Journal of a Jaganshi
by Somnolent Dilettante
Summary: Little snippets of things from the view of Hiei. Rated for what might be later chapters, and probably eventually Hiei/Kurama.


When I first entered the human world, I had a mission. There was no other reason to enter such a place. It reeked of human filth and innocence. The first I abhorred, simply because of how weak their race was, the second, I would never understand. I had never been an innocent. I was forbidden. Taboo. The Yin. I was the shadow that lurked deep within the darkness. From the day I was born I was rejected. My very existence scared the Ice Maidens. Their way of life was threatened by the birth of one small child. The flames surrounding my body burnt their frigid hearts, until they were forced to shroud me in wards. Fear motivated them to toss me from their land and it was revenge that spurned me to live. Logically, I should have died. There were few demons who could have survived a fall off a floating island. I had been cursed with falling into a river and being scooped out to live.

Many would say this was luck; the gods had shined brightly down upon my circumstances. The Universe had given me a life that I wouldn't have been gifted otherwise. I never saw it in this light, I still didn't. I would always be cursed. I was unwelcome in the world. Angry. Destructive. There would be few who looked upon me as an ally, let alone a friend, and never a family. I was alone.

There were short glimpses through my life where I was not completely alone. The Bandits had raised me as one of their own. There were many benefits to being raised by a group of rowdy outlaws. I learned quickly what life was and what it was not. There was no frozen wasteland to guard me from the cruel ways of the Makai. I learned to find food for myself, to claim my prize before it could be stolen from me. I learned the dirtier ways of life, but what more could be served from a child such as myself? An abomination in the world of demons. I was a fire apparition born of Ice Maiden. It wasn't long before my blood lust proved too much and I was once more being rejected. This time, it was not unwarranted. I was a danger to those around me. I learned that I was better off on my own.

In five short years, I had acquired a level that most demons sought centuries to earn. An A-class demon with a penchant for watching the blood of my enemies leak from their soulless bodies. It had never been clearer to me that I was foul. A beast. I was content to wander like that for a hundred years. There was always another battle, another enemy to slay. It was not until I lost my tear gem that I became unsatisfied with my life. I had a goal now. I had something to direct my path away from the senseless killing. I followed myth after rumor, until I finally found myself before Shigure.

I wasn't certain what forced me to turn to him, what forced my pride down in order to seek his help. It was only a stone, so why did I try so hard to regain it? I lost everything in that surgery. My power, my signature, and my pride. I stayed with him. I told myself it was to use him for his power, but he had served me with something no one else had. I owed him. I hated debts. He was the one who started the transformation, the taming of the beast. Though it would not be until much later that I realized this. When I was certain I would no longer get myself killed, I left. For once, I had not been rejected. But then, I had fled before the chance ever arose. It would be this tradition that I stuck to. Running was one thing I had always been good at.

I knew I had a sister. From the moment I was born, I knew. It simply hadn't mattered to me. She was safe among the maidens of ignorance. At least, that had been my presumption, until I had gone there myself. That had been my mission in life. She had left her haven of ice to find me, the forbidden, the lowly. I knew then, before I had ever met her, that she was my Yang. She was the Angel to my Demon, the Light to my Darkness. My Twin. She was the reason I had entered the human world.

It was during the search for my angel, that I met him.

I had attacked him carelessly and he had easily struck me down. I remember there laying there, waiting for death as the black closed around me. It seemed I would not fulfill either of my missions before my death. A waste of life and Shigure's word struck me, a waste of his skill. I hadn't imagined I would wake up, banged and healing, with a small red-head human-demon standing over me. He had the gall to ask me about Yukina and I swore then I would never sleep near him again. I never realized how quickly I would be breaking that promise.

In a year, I had haunted his window sill more than I'd planned. I had blamed it on the weather, but in truth I enjoyed having another demon trapped in the human realm. I was amazed to find out he knew of my reputation and of course, I knew of his. There were few bandits who hadn't heard of the legendary Yoko Kurama. As all things, the easy bond between us was quick to grow sour. For once, it wasn't something between the two of us, but rather, an outside force that placed a wedge between us.

Kurama's human mother was dying.

I knew what I was doing the moment I suggested the plan to Kurama. I had no need of the sword and I had no desire to take over a world as fragile as the human one. While it was true, stabbing every human and forcing them to become mindless demons would have made it easier to search for my sister, it was not at all beneficial to me. If caught, we would all be jailed and executed. Looking back on it, I realized that it wasn't perhaps the smartest scheme I'd ever come up with.

The real treasure was the mirror with the ability to grant any wish, at a price. I had considered it over and over again, before finally agreeing with my own terms. It didn't matter that Shiori was human. To Kurama, she was his and he would gladly trade his own life for hers. I understood this because I would have done the same had it been Yukina. The only thing I hadn't considered was my reaction to what I presumed was Kurama's death.

Yes, it had been my plan and I had known the consequences. I simply hadn't regarded how the death of my only contact in this world would affect me. I stood on an opposite roof, watching and listening as he explained to the Spirit Detective about his life. Things I knew, things I understood, but still feigned to have no care of. I expected him to die. I did not expect the human to offer half of his life as compensation. One human had done everything I couldn't; he had saved both Shiori and her demon son. I was furious.

I needed to meet this human, to judge him for myself. It was another elaborate plan, another mask and coating of paint as I made myself the typical evil demon. It was tiring, as many things were, simply because of the acting I subjected myself to. I am fond of claiming that the fox likes to play games, but I recall so many of my own that I wonder if the two of us aren't so different. I digress. It wasn't difficult to find the human's woman, nor was hard to capture her. A slice across the stomach and she was mine to control, even as her frail body draped over my shoulder.

If the human was all Kurama believed him to be, she would be fine. It wasn't as if I cared, I simply didn't care for dragging innocents into my battles. It was a cheap move, but necessary for the part I had chosen. The battle was easy and Kurama had successfully given me an out I could accept. I would never tell him this, for he had betrayed me in all sense of the ruse. I should have been furious and I'm certain I acted that way the next time we met. It didn't matter; we both knew it was a fraud. In truth, I was tired.

_I just wanted to sleep for an eternity._


End file.
